Making your Money last in Retirement

If you’d ask my kids the question as it applies to me, the answer to making my money last in retirement could be, “Die as soon after your retirement party as possible.” I’m joking, of course. Or, hmm, am I?

I retired at age 65.5 and am now 81.5, so in addition to being the parent of very disappointed kids, I’m happy that my money is at virtually the same level as it was on the day I got that fake gold-plated watch. The secret of my stash is actually no secret. I set up my retirement finances securely during my working years.

My company has a savings plan that allows employees to invest up to 10% or their salary, with the incentive of another 3% added by the company. It doesn’t sound like much, especially for my middle management slave status. But after 25 years and interest growth, it added up to enough money for comfortable living until I hear angel wings. However, I haven’t yet used any of it for my living expenses, except to give the accumulated interest it earns annually to my kids. They may still rather have the entire fund in their greedy little hands, but at least it keeps them from adding arsenic to my morning tea.

My daily living money comes from a nice retirement pension and Social Security. Because I live modestly in a little desert house that is almost paid for, and don’t drink nor smoke, I can even indulge myself in occasional cruise and casino vacations. I could even afford to visit the flesh pots of Las Vegas and Reno, but my wife rudely says, “Hey, old man, what the hell could you not be able to do there that you also aren’t able to do at home?”

Oh, did I forget to say that I’m also making money with my Helium articles. That earns me just about enough every month to buy a can of dog food. Gee, sometimes I wish I had a dog.